awe shit. i thought of something .5 seconds ago that i wanted to blog about immediately. but the idea has gotten up to get a beer & noticed something spilled in the fridge so in the midst of getting a towel to clean it up the phone rang & someone knocked at the door and not knowing which to tend to first the idea went outside to have a cigarette & then knocked the plant over, so the idea went back inside to get a towel to clean it up & noticed someone was still at the door & there was now a message on the answering machine, a beer on the counter, fridge door open, and light shining on that something gnarly in the fridge just waiting to be wiped up. true story.
ok. not really. but i did think of something that i wanted to blog about but forgot about what it was. apparently i am ridiculously bored out of my mind and have nothing better to do than to make up some nonsensical nonsense. is that an oxy moron?
well. speaking of a beer and cigarette.
cheers!
ooooh ohhh ohhhh! i remembered what i wanted to blog about.
the other day i randomly started singing one of my least favorite fiona apple songs, never is a promise. of all her songs i never liked that one b.c i just couldnt fit it in to my life. at one point or another i have been able to piece & mold a fiona song to a certain part of my life. and even if it didnt fit i managed to squeeze my tush in the song anyway. but i was leaning over the bathtub (not sure why, b.c i dont think i was cleaning it ... that was last week) - anyway, all of a sudden the lines just popped up in my head & i started singing: 'Your presence dominates the judgments made on you, But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights, The shades and shadows undulate in my perception, My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights'... and i was stunned. stunned b.c i havent listened to fiona in at least a month. maybe a month and a half. and typically i skip over the never is a promise song b.c like i said it just never fit me. and also b.c it just wasnt one of my favorite sounds - her other songs flow in a certain way but this one seemed like the black sheep of her songs to me. but when i started singing these particular lines from this song i was smacked by reality that it couldnt fit my current situation more perfectly. and while i cant go in to depth about the current situation (we'll all just have to wait & see if my secret postcard gets posted on postsecret.com -- can i possibly type the word 'post' any more?) - just know that the song 'never is a promise' now officially has a place in my heart. every ounce of this song speaks exactly what i have been experiencing for the past two weeks (especially) up to the past 6 mos. and that's the kind of therapy i can handle. music. out of no where it just pops up in your head saying uh, hello. listen, i make sense. perfect sense. you're not alone.
and who is that on my tv? he's fucking HOT!
Youll never see the courage I know
Its colors richness wont appear within your view
Ill never glow - the way that you glow
Your presence dominates the judgments made on you
But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights
I understand what I am still too proud to mention - to you
Youll say you understand, but you dont understand
Youll say youd never give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise, and you cant afford to lie
Youll never touch - these things that I hold
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own
Youll never feel the heat of this soul
My fever burns me deeper than Ive ever shown - to you
Youll say, dont fear your dreams, its easier than it seems
Youll say youd never let me fall from hopes so high
But never is a promise and you cant afford to lie
Youll never live the life that I live
Ill never live the life that wakes me in the night
Youll never hear the message I give
Youll say it looks as though I might give up this fight
But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights
I realize what I am now too smart to mention - to you
Youll say you understand, youll never understand
Ill say Ill never wake up knowing how or why
I dont know what to believe in, you dont know who I am
Youll say I need appeasing when I start to cry
But never is a promise and Ill never need a lie
p.s. while this thing i am experiencing sux serious balls... i am growing like a mother fucking weed from it. and i love it. and i wont attempt to take the experience back for a refund. ever.
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